I’ve hit the big time, y’all…

Recently, I’ve begun submitting a few papers here and there to academic journals. I received a note back from one this morning. It’s amazingly verbose (not to mention horribly written) so allow me to paraphrase the high points…

We loved the papers on O’Brien and Bloom!
We want to publish them both!
Send us $300 per piece, plus an additional $100 for the O’Brien piece (since it’s over 10 pages – $50 per page) and we’ll include them in our fall issue.
You’ll also need to fill out the attached document to transfer the copyright to us.

How I actually responded:
Thank you for your consideration, but at this time I have other opportunities for the pieces you mention. I will, however, keep you in mind for future projects.

How I wanted to respond:
I can’t believe my good fortune. What an opportunity! The chance to pay to have someone assume all the rights to my work! Before we move forward, I do have one question…

Are you nuckin’ futs?

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