Done and Done
A short play concerning the perils of the demon alcohol
Me: I’m going to have a beer.
Conscience: A beer?
Me: Maybe two. Or three.
Conscience: At 2:00 in the afternoon?
Conscience: On a Monday?
Me: Were you with me all morning?
Me: No way…
Conscience: I slept in.
Me: Slept in? Are you allowed to do that?
Conscience: When it’s your fault I am.
Me: We went to bed at 10!
Conscience: Maybe you did… but I was up all night.
Me: Doing what?
Conscience: Thinking. Duh.
Me: So you slept in.
Conscience: I did.
Me: On a school day.
Conscience: It was great. You should try it.
Extended, dramatic, almost pregnant (almost pregnant?) pause as Me fumes and grumbles. Then…
Conscience: Just because you had a bad day doesn’t mean you want to…
Me: Look… Either I have beer, or you get up whenever I do. You can’t have both.
Conscience: You can’t bargain with your conscience.
Me: I can when my conscience is ignorant of the facts for which it is doing its…. consciencing.
Another dramatic pause as Conscience weighs the terms of the bargain.
Conscience: On one condition.
Me: Which is?
Conscience: No more than three beers.
Me: Done and done.