Done and Done

Done and Done
A short play concerning the perils of the demon alcohol

Me: Beer

Conscience: hrmmm?

Me: I’m going to have a beer.

Conscience: A beer?

Me: Maybe two. Or three.

Conscience: Really?

Me: Absolutely.

Conscience: At 2:00 in the afternoon?

Me: Yes.

Conscience: On a Monday?

Me: Were you with me all morning?

Conscience: Well…

Me: No way…

Conscience: I slept in.

Me: Slept in? Are you allowed to do that?

Conscience: When it’s your fault I am.

Me: We went to bed at 10!

Conscience: Maybe you did… but I was up all night.

Me: Doing what?

Conscience: Thinking. Duh.

Me: So you slept in.

Conscience: I did.

Me: On a school day.

Conscience: It was great. You should try it.

Extended, dramatic, almost pregnant (almost pregnant?) pause as Me fumes and grumbles. Then…

Me: Beer.

Conscience: Just because you had a bad day doesn’t mean you want to…

Me: Look… Either I have beer, or you get up whenever I do. You can’t have both.

Conscience: You can’t bargain with your conscience.

Me: I can when my conscience is ignorant of the facts for which it is doing its…. consciencing.

Another dramatic pause as Conscience weighs the terms of the bargain.

Conscience: Fine.

Me: Fine.

Conscience: Good.

Me: Good

Conscience: On one condition.

Me: Which is?

Conscience: No more than three beers.

Me: Done and done.

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